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Biting the hand that feeds IT — Enterprise Technology News and Analysis
Updated: 4 min 59 sec ago

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?

Fri, 11/26/2021 - 01:30
Pipe down – Nicolas Cage could be listening

Episode 21  BOFH logo telephone with devil's hornsI've got nothing against conspiracy theories in general because if they didn't exist the PFY would probably have to join a book club or a sewing circle. But even the PFY will admit there's a limit, and at lunch today we think we found it ...…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: You drive me crazy... and I can't help myself

Fri, 11/12/2021 - 01:15
Service provider? You sure about that second bit?

Episode 20  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns>knock< <knock<…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: So you want to have your computer switched out for something faster? It's time to learn from the master

Fri, 10/22/2021 - 01:27
Corporate will make you jump through hoops – but there's always a window

Episode 19  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"It's just … so slow," my user complains.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: You. Wouldn't. Put. A. Test. Machine. Into. Production. Without. Telling. Us.

Fri, 10/08/2021 - 02:15
Right, Mr Beancounter?

Episode 18  BOFH logo telephone with devil's hornsA lesson I learned a long time ago was: never let a user buy a server.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine

Fri, 09/24/2021 - 01:30
Flame purifies all

Episode 17  BOFH logo telephone with devil's hornsIt's barely 9am and we're all standing outside while the fire brigade inspects the premises for the source of the fire.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: Pass the sugar, Asmodeus, and let the meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards … commence

Fri, 09/10/2021 - 04:30
Stacy? Stacy of the industry-wide Crazy Frog ringtone VoIP software update? Good work

Episode 16  BOFH logo telephone with devil's hornsIt's the first meeting of the Fellowship of Bastards in more than a year and there are stories to tell and people to meet. It's a real social occasion and we're seeing people we've not seen in many years.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

Fri, 08/13/2021 - 02:32
Anybody in the market for one of him whimpering?

Episode 15  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"These NFT things," the Boss says, attempting a smooth segue from our topic to his favourite – how to make cash with no effort.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: They say you either love it or you hate it. We can confirm you're going to hate it

Fri, 07/30/2021 - 01:30
So what you're saying is you updated the new machines from the network – the infected network

Episode 14  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"Where've you been?" the Boss asks.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: You say goodbye and I say halon

Fri, 07/23/2021 - 03:46
I say 'Yes', Boss says 'No'. Boss says 'Stop' … and I say 'Go, go, go!'

Episode 13  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"You're taking the halon away?!" the PFY gasps.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks?

Fri, 07/16/2021 - 02:18
It is green, and BOFH is not the one. It's only a, er, miner problem …

Episode 12  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"Everything's just so expensive!" the Boss says.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: Where there is darkness, let there be a light

Mon, 07/12/2021 - 02:15
Where two or more idiots are gathered together, try to reduce the number of idiots

Episode 11  BOFH logo telephone with devil's hornsThe Director and the Head Beancounter are waiting for me outside Mission Control when I get to work – which is never a good thing. When two or more idiots are gathered together and all that.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

Fri, 07/09/2021 - 01:30
Yep, read the licence again

Episode 10  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"It's a clear-cut case of licence blindness," I say to the Boss.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself

Fri, 06/25/2021 - 02:15
Just close your eyes and pretend it’s not there. Before you know it, it’ll be the weekend

Episode 9  BOFH logo telephone with devil's hornsThe Boss is wandering around Mission Control asking thoughtful but pointless questions to give the impression that he really cares, whilst in reality he has some crazy idea percolating in his brain that he wants us to look favourably upon.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: When the Sun rises in the West and sets in the East, only then will the UPS cease to supply uninterrupted voltage

Fri, 06/18/2021 - 02:15
Until that time, if it ain't broke … oh god, someone call the ambulance

Episode 8  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"Eeeeeeasy does it …" I say to the PFY, "almost there …"…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why

Fri, 06/11/2021 - 01:30
Why show them the door when a window will do?

Episode 7  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"… and you have user education?" our visitor asks.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording

Fri, 06/04/2021 - 01:59
I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'

Episode 6  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"But you agreed to it!!!" the Boss snaps at us through the screen.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages

Fri, 05/28/2021 - 01:30
Or we could just all contract a little amnesia...

Episode 5  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"We'd just like some explanations of this spending," the Head Beancounter says, slapping a wadge of printouts onto my desk.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service

Fri, 04/23/2021 - 03:01
Back to the office we trudge, dragging our hooked tails behind us

Episode 4  BOFH logo telephone with devil's hornsWE'RE BACK in the office – and I feel like I 'm only now just starting to feel the effects of COVID.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: Bullying? Not on my watch! (It's a Rolex)

Fri, 03/26/2021 - 02:30
Aye, me hearties... it is time to call H-ARRRRRGH

Episode 3  BOFH logo telephone with devil's hornsThings are tense.…

<abbr title="Bastard Operator from Hell">BOFH</abbr>: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time

Fri, 02/26/2021 - 02:25
Or 'How PFY and I do Access Control'

Episode 2  BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns"I just need to pop in and get some important documents," the Boss pleads.…

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